You Can't Lose From the Bleachers

On the morning of every Karate tournament I ever entered, I had butterflies in my stomach. I don't compete anymore, but this past weekend, there they were again. We had our Fall Karate Tournament at our Westminster dojo, and I was anxious for my students. I wished they could all win, even though that isn't realistic. But more than anything, I wanted everyone to do their best and grow from the experience.

Before the first match, I gathered every group and told them what I tell every competitor: not everyone wins. In a competition, one person wins and one person loses. So when you compete, always aim to win. But how you win matters. Win by the rules, by working hard, by training diligently. Luck should have no part in it. And whether you win or lose, be gracious, kind, and polite. That doesn't mean you are okay with losing. I, for one, never want to lose… at anything! But nothing excuses acting up when you do. You go back to the drawing board and do better the next time.

I'll call her Sophia. She is a composite of many young competitors I've had the privilege to coach, but if you were there last weekend, you probably saw her.

Sophia was having a great sparring match. She was quick, focused, and ahead for most of it. I remember thinking, "She is going to win this." But her opponent never gave up, and in the final moments she came back and won.

I saw the disappointment on Sophia's face. She had worked so hard for this. Then she did something that made me prouder than any trophy could. She walked across the mat, hugged her opponent, and told her, "That was a great match."

That is a champion.

Theodore Roosevelt's "Man in the Arena" hangs in both of our dojos. It reminds our students that the credit doesn't belong to the critic, but to the one who is actually in the arena, who tries, who sometimes comes up short, and who, if he fails, "at least fails while daring greatly."

There will always be people on the sidelines with an opinion about how it should have been done. Let them talk. They will never know what Sophia now knows: how it feels to give it your best, how it feels to lose, and how to still hold your head up high.

I competed for almost three decades, and I lost my share of matches. Every one of them taught me something a win never could: humility, resilience, and attention to the small details that decide a close match.

And it isn't only about Karate. Whether it's a new job, a new business, or that dream you keep putting off, step in. If you shrink from the challenge, you are worse off than if you had tried and failed. If you tried and failed, you did it, and you can do it again, better.

As Henry Ford put it, "There is no disgrace in honest failure; there is disgrace in fearing to fail."

You can't lose from the bleachers, but you can't win from there either. I wish for every one of you the courage to step into the arena.