You Hurt My Feelings!

This phrase is something we've all said—or at least felt—at some point. Whether you're a child navigating school hallways or an adult in the workplace, people can say things that sting. But what if we could learn not to hand over the power of our emotions so easily?

Recently, I had a moment that reminded me just how important it is to teach emotional resilience—especially to the younger generation. One of my karate students, Bernardette, gave me that opportunity.

She's 10 years old, disciplined, respectful, and progressing well in class. While she trains, I often chat with her dad about her development both inside and outside the dojo. One day, he shared something that gave me pause. At home, Bernardette is doing great—helpful, kind, a joy to be around. But at school? Not so much. Some of her classmates have been saying hurtful things to her, and it's made school a place she dreads.

After class, I pulled Bernardette aside for a quick chat. I said, "Bernardette, people are going to say mean things to you all your life. That part doesn't change. But what does change—what you get to control—is how much power you give to their words. If you let them make you feel sad, inferior, or angry, you're giving them control over your emotions."

Then I gave her this analogy I heard years ago.

"If you shake a soda can and open it, what happens?"

"It explodes!" she answered.

"Exactly. Now what happens if you shake a water bottle and open it?"

"Nothing."

"That's right," I said. "So, the choice is yours—be the soda or be the water. When people know you're like soda—easily shaken, quick to react—they'll keep shaking, just to see the explosion. But if you're calm like water, they'll realize there's no reaction to get, and eventually, they'll stop trying."

I explained further. "There are usually three kinds of things people say: something that's true, something that's false, or just their opinion. If it's true—like someone pointing out your brown hair—there's no reason to get upset. It's just a fact. If it's false, like saying your hair is black when it's clearly not, why waste energy on something you know isn't real? And if it's just an opinion—maybe they don't like your hairstyle—well, they're allowed to have their opinion. But that doesn't mean it has to affect how you feel. What matters most is your opinion of yourself."

I reminded her—and I'll remind you—that this mindset takes practice. But with time, you can build a kind of invisible shield that protects you from the sting of others' words.

I see so many people—kids and adults alike—who are easily wounded by words. And I get it. Words can hurt. But here's the truth: you have a choice. You don't have to let someone else's comments ruin your day, or worse, your self-worth. When you take back that power, you become emotionally resilient, and no one can shake you.

So, to Bernardette, and to anyone who's ever been hurt by what someone said: don't give others the power to control how you feel. Build your shield. Be the water. And hopefully, one day, you won't have to say, "You hurt my feelings"—because their words won't even make a ripple.