We All Need to Be Heard

It is one of my favorite times of the day, my first Karate class is starting to walk into the school, the Pre-Karate Class, our three, four, and five year olds are taking their places on the mat. Before class starts, I come in a few minutes early to talk to the students and learn about their day. They are always very excited to tell me all about it.

Today, the first one to raise his hand was Mark, a lively five year old with sparkling eyes. He excitedly calls out to me: "Sensei, Sensei…", I turn my attention to him and say, "yes Mark?" He goes on and relates to me the latest game he has been playing on his grandma's phone, some alien shooting game. He is talking so fast that I have trouble keeping up. Mark's eyes shine with excitement as he relates how he shot the aliens and how he maneuvered around them.

As I listened to him, I found myself sharing his joy just from his sheer enthusiasm. For some reason that stuck with me, and that evening, after classes, I thought about how happy he was to be heard, and how happy I was to listen. I also thought about all my daily interactions, and how I feel when someone listens to me intently… or conversely, how I feel when someone doesn't.

For a child, and actually for adults as well, being listened to builds up their confidence and self esteem, it tells them that what they have to say matters to us, that we value them, and that they are important to us. However, contrary to what most of us believe, listening is not quite that easy, it takes work and practice. So I wanted to share with you a few tips to help us all listen better. I hope you will give them a try.

1. Refrain from giving advice - most people are not asking for advice, they just want to be heard. Giving advice implies judgment, and we all hate to be judged.
2. Stop thinking about what you are going to say next - We all have done that, the person is still talking and we are already thinking about our reply. Stop yourself right there, and simply immerse yourself into what the other person is trying to tell you.
3. Avoid the "Me too" response - Keep the focus on the other person. We always want the world and the conversations to revolve around "me", but stop yourself from inserting "me" into the conversation. It is about them, so keep it that way.
4. Be sincerely interested in the other person - try to truly understand what they are thinking and feeling as they speak. Dare to care.

Making the effort and taking the time to listen is one of the best gifts we can share with those around us. When someone talks to you, they are telling you that you are important enough to them to share their experiences with you. So take the time today and give someone the gift of your undivided attention. You will both benefit from it.