That’s Just the Way I Am

The Beginner Karate class started just a few minutes ago, and during warm-ups I take the chance to check up with some of the parents watching class. I sit next to a couple whose seven year old son has been at the Dojo (karate school) for about 9 months and ask: “How is Jeremy doing?” Mom looks at me and says: “He is doing really well”, to which dad adds: “Yes, he is doing great, he is a completely different kid, thank you!”.

We continued to chat for a few more minutes, then I went ahead to check with other parents, and I was very happy to get similar positive news. As I returned to the class in progress the phrase “completely different” kept resounding in my ears. I guess I was just fascinated at the thought of how we are able to change ourselves, our habits, our actions, and even our moods. I have seen similar transformations at every age, even adults. Many regain a certain vitality that was lost or dormant for years, others increase their confidence, physical ability, mental clarity, and even a renewed sense of purpose. It is a thing to behold.

As I thought about how people can improve so much, I was reminded of the other side of the coin. How many times have I encountered someone, or even caught myself saying: “Well, that’s just the way I am” or “That’s just me”. As if my habits and personality had been carved out of stone and was unable to ever change them.

Reviewing one of the “7 Habits of Highly Effective People” by Stephen Covey I recently mentioned to our students how they should try avoiding getting locked into a mental box. What I meant was that we often run our lives with phrases like: “I have to”, “I can’t”, or “I’m not good at”. When we do that, we put ourselves in a locked box from which we can’t get out. On the other hand, if we change our language to: “I choose to”, “How can I?”, “What would it take for me to”. We realize that we can be in full control of ourselves and of our future… if we choose to.

So just like Jeremy, could you become someone “completely different” in a better way? What would it take? And whenever you are tempted to excuse yourself by saying: “Well, that’s just the way I am”, follow it up with the following thought: “yes, that is me today… but tomorrow I choose to be better, I choose to be more positive, I choose to be more responsible, I choose to be more disciplined… I choose to be happier.” And so you will be.